Anime & Animals Rockz! yahuuu

2011-03-03T07:24:00.000-08:00

I wrote at the end of every post that the most important in life is learning to live. And right now I’m saying that its bullshit. The truth about life; is that the saddest thing in life is life itself.
The hardest thing in life is learning to live, to have a life, learning to let go and learning to forgive. All three I can’t learn (thinking to myself: can’t or won’t?), but the latter I can and I have done one too many times. It’s hard to grow when one doesn’t let you. It seems that no matter what or how hard I try there will always be something blocking me or something just goes wrong. It’s hard to prove it to people when the two most important things are lost. (Both confidence and courage; it’s been gone for like about 1 year plus) Not good. Those two might never come back to me, ever.
Hatred is like a thorn in your heart, it’s like a reminder telling you that you hate a certain person, but it doesn’t tells you who you are suppose to hate. Hating for one person too long can destroy the one relationship you have with that person. And hating a person too long and realizing that it you hated the wrong person is even damaging because; you know how to hate the person, but you wouldn’t know how to un-hate him and show love to him. Because; all you’ve ever learnt is to hate him.
How am I to love a wrongful hated person?
How am I to put my shield down?
How am I to turn my heart into a stone?
Feeling and not feeling, which is best? Feeling… no
When am I to get my wings?
Who am I to them?
Am I allowed to care for them?
Will I be hated for who I am?
If you hate yourself, what happens?
How will you be able to love when all you know is to hate?
You are really the weirdest, sucky-iest, assholic person in the whole wide world, black hole, infinity, eternity, and universe!!
So always try your hardest to smile so no one will see through you.

2010-07-13T07:06:00.000-07:00

After a very long time, I have finally realized something. That is, I have always hated and blame-ed myself for everything that has ever happen in my life. (*smirks*) I guess I was blinded by the hatred for that someone, blame-ed that someone. For all this years that I was totally ignorant of it. And I realized that the person I hate and blame is not him but me. So, all this long years I have been blaming and hating myself. (HA) And I didn’t even realize it. Stupid me. What can I say? I’m dumb. I don’t even know who I hate and blame.

2009-12-26T09:42:00.000-08:00

When a person feels empty inside, it means that she has reached a bottomless pit. Whereby no one can help her, accept herself, which is ironic, when she cannot help herself up anymore. At this point of time, she is surrounded not only by darkness but also by sadness, despair and hatred of herself. It is truly kind of pathetic when you look at it that way. But that’s the way it is. Even if she tries, the light seems so far away if not too dim to be seen. She needs help, but do not whom to seek. And she is after all as brittle as a glass on the inside and as hard or strong as a stone on the outside, which is why she is afraid of seeking help. She is afraid of being hurt, even though she has not been hurt before. But she has seen it happen one too many times before on others. She has to learn to seek help from others. Not that, she hasn’t tried it before; it’s just that it didn’t work out. And people do not listen but they only hear, which is, not much of a help. What she needs is a person who is willing to listen to her and not comment on anything but just lends a shoulder for her to cry on, and not asking any questions. But just to be by her side. Right now she does not think that theirs is anyone like that. And she has trust issues, which is weird. All in all, an empty person, is a person clouded by darkness.

2009-12-14T07:48:00.003-08:00

A lost little wolf cub asking questions...

Will I be able to live with myself after what I have done?

Will I be able to be without friends or family?

What I am going to do with my life?

Will I betray those whom I hold so dear to my heart?

Is my friendship so thin?

Do I have what it takes to be a good person?

Will I be hurting someone in the process?

Will I ever be able to forget?

Am I a coward?

Am I jealous?

Why is my heart as hard as a stone but at the same time as fragile as a glass?

And lastly…

Why is the world such a cruel place?

Who can answer them?

2009-10-11T08:23:00.000-07:00

Soon to be dying mp3

Soon to be dying lappy,

Dying music (saddness of all),

Dying life,

Dying hope (die-ed),

Dying faith (die-ed),

Dying love (die-ed),

Dying family relationships,(cannot be mended anymore)

Hatred revived,

Depression revived,

All this leads to a dying Punitha. (the Punitha i know is gone-ing soon)

All in all, a total screwed up, fucked up life. Where there is no room to breathe anymore. Wings clipped even before i was born.

2009-10-06T08:17:00.000-07:00

im still a big big WORTHLESS, a HOPELESS, a big big time LOSER, a big big FAILURE, soul!

i should have just stop, but i didn't. which therfore resulted in so so so many ppl to be diappointed, to be angry at themselves because they can't help.

and the best of all, im not doing anything to stop it from happening. i need someone there with me, to play with me. i have, but i don't at the same time.

im sorri ppl for everything i did.

im dying a little every single day. and...

I NEED & WANT A HUG.

2009-10-02T09:29:00.000-07:00

I’m such a loser, and a hopeless one too.

I’m ever so depressed till I can’t even bare to have a proper 3 meal per day thingy…

My ‘smile’ song is NOT working!! And I do not know why. Guess I’m too damn fucking depressed…

I’m letting people down, like Gena and Ian. And I think Yusri too?

…In this concrete jungle humans are meant to suffer…

2009-10-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

Punitha’s Suicide Note[short and sweet]

Lately, I’ve become depressed and become more and more disappointed in myself. Not that I did something wrong… it’s just that because of the way I am, the way I’m playing, the way I’ve lost my confidence, has made me cause people to be disappointed as well.

To the people I love so much (I trust that you guys know who you are, so I won’t mention names=)). There’s nothing I can do except to say that I’m sorry.

And ya, put all my toys, my pencil box and the items inside the pencil box, my memory, and the stuffs I got from Metro, my Marvel bed sheets and the Marvel bag and the stitch key chain, my scores from BPS and SSS into my casket.

And all my other stuff I shall leave it to my sister.

I’m drowning my sorrows to my teddy… how I wish that my dog was here instead of teddy.

Ps: play the song ‘Smile’ which is sung by Nat King Cole at my funeral. =)

2009-09-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... well life still goes on..

Some say humans are weak. That’s why the love and that’s why the hate one another. But if that’s the case, then wouldn’t I be right in that animals are weak too? So which is it? Are humans weak, can they be compared to animals?

Am I weak? I seek love and I do want to hate with all my heart. (Well, only to certain people, not the whole world though. That will be crazy. lol) One thing I do know for certain, is that there’s already a person I hate. And hating that person is wrong. But I can’t stop myself from hating him. Our relationship has grown farther and father away from each other. At times, (even if it helps) I do want to mend and close that distance. Only… I can’t bring myself to do that. For reasons I’m unsure off. And there’s no person I love but only my friends. And my heart will always be with them, though I know that I’m not meant to have any friends, but I can’t help it. I want to be with them, but the situation I’m in does not allow me to do so.

Only when I’m free, I will be able to breathe and live like I’ve always hoped for. But … what I hope for can only be realised in my dreams and nothing more.
As what someone told me, ‘I look sad and pathetic.’ Well that’s one thing I can agree on.

Life still goes on…

2009-09-27T09:31:00.000-07:00

Random Thoughts

My life now is like the desert. It’s plain, lifeless at times and coarse. Considering my situation, it’s not a very good life to live in. My days are filled with nothing but pigeons… (-.-! there’s nothing I can do about them though.) Sometimes I wish that I was a wolf so I can roam the lands with ease, not caring about what time I have to get my ass home, or even about the pigeons. *sighs*what an evil thought, though it sounds real nice and all. But it’s a wish that could never ever come true unless I was reincarnated into a wolf. (Ha... sounds crazy, though I don’t believe in reincarnations and I don’t think it’s true.) But a girl like me can fantasize right?

I’ve never really tired to open up my heart to anyone before. Though it’s not that I’ve been hurt real bad to open up myself again. It’s just that since young I have never really talked to anyone about how I feel or about what my heart is hiding. And you may find this funny but the person (not really a person though, she’s an animal a dog to be precise) I’ve ever truly poured out my heart to is my dog. It’s been like then, and it’s still the same now. The only different is that instead of talking to her, I’m talking to my teddy. Why teddy and not my dog? It’s because she has left my world a long time ago.
I’ve tried talking to humans. Like Gena, Yi Zhen, Vincent (my god-bro), and even Ryan. Though they did help me in someway, I guess, it just doesn’t seem right talking to them. I don’t why, but it seems hard for me to open up to another human being. *sighs* maybe I’m weird or maybe I’m mad. Either way, I just don’t get it…

The distance between my father and I just got farther. And there’s nothing that I can do about it. I guess he knows that there’s something wrong with our relationship but I think he just can’t figure it out. And I’m afraid that when he does, it’ll be too late. Though I can just tell him the problem but then again I’m not good with words. And striking up a simple conversion with him just can’t happen. He just doesn’t understand! i do not want to live my life with regrets but…. I… just… can’t do it… *sigh*

2009-09-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

2009-09-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

In life and in the world, the two greatest things one could ever ask for is music and freedom. I have music, but not freedom. When do i get a taste of freedom, that i do not know but i do know that i have one of the two greatest things on Earth and it doesn't make any sense as to why i have one but not the other. Though it is beyond my control. I can only wait and see.

Just thought of one thing today:
A friend of mine once told me - if you do not respect the person, at least respect the post he is holding.

2009-09-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

In time, my heart shall harden,
Love, hope and faith won’t matter.
Life been compromised,
And shall be till the day I fall.
I shall be free when the day comes,
And I shall wait for that day.
Damage has been done,
Nothing can fix it now,
Only time will tell.
But then again, time waits for no man.

2009-09-07T08:24:00.000-07:00

2009-09-05T12:49:00.000-07:00

Gloomy Sunday

Sunday is Gloomy,
My hours are slumberless,
Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you
Gloomy Sunday

Sunday is gloomy
with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be flowers and prayers that are sad,
I know, let them not weep,
Let them know that I'm glad to go

Death is no dream,
For in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you
Gloomy Sunday

Dreaming
I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you
Asleep in the deep of
My heart
Dear

Darling I hope that my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you how much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday

2009-09-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

I have to do something, but i can't bring myself to do it. Because, if i go on with it then people around me will be disappointed and i might let somemore down, which i do not want. And also, if it meant doing it, then...i might have to forever let go of the one thing i loved most, which i've been doing it my whole life.

I once told an idiot that you play for yourself and not others.
(HA! easier said then done, stupid me *slaps head*).
what on earth was i thinking?

Should i just give up? Should i leave forever the one thing i love?

By doing that, some might be angry and sad or worst disappointed with me, or, some might be sad, disappointed, confused or elated.

HOW?

Been thinking alot these few days, but nothing seems to fall into place.

*smirks* gave people advices but can't seem to have one for yourself hor, LOUSY SHIT!!

Punitha ah, choices man, you got to choose!

one real random thought: i really miss my dog, and i still hate you for doing that!

2009-08-31T01:01:00.000-07:00

TAROT CARD

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

2009-07-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

look at my wanted list more and more things are piling up... damn it...

hai... *sad-ed*

need a job

need money to buy my books and my toys and cases to keep them in

look at this!!! damn nice!!!

2009-06-30T23:28:00.000-07:00

today.. apart from being bored at home, a very very very funny thing happened today. thought it did not happen on me, and i was thankful for that. well the thing was that one of my pigeon, it's fat fat, flew and fell into the................................... wait for it.........................................wait for it.................................................................................wait for it................ its coming................................................. TOLIET BLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAH i couldn't stop laughing... damn funny la!!!! really made my day.. AHAHAHAH

but the poor thing got real scared... but still i couldn't help but laugh!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHHAHA

2009-06-25T23:33:00.000-07:00

2009-06-18T06:37:00.000-07:00

Well… I have been damn bloody HAPPY these past few days and its all thanks to GENA!!!! Hahah..
I finally got my MH bag… so darn happy, I was like a small kid who is opening her chirstmas present, and till now each time I look at the bag I would still smile to myself.. AHAHAHA .. (im a weirdo.. hehe)
So here’s how the story goes:
It was on Sunday the 14th of June, and Gena called to say that she saw my bag and said that she would buy for me 1st and that I could pay her back later. And so I agreed. After ending the call I was literally jumping. (though no one saw want was happening, lucky.. hehe I have to, maintain my style man) I was so happy, like I was flying higher and higher…

im flying.. too happy..lol

And then on Monday, that gal called and tell that the bag was gone.. my whole world came crashing down on me!!!! so damn sad-ed, although I never really said it out. (again, not my style..) I felt like a stone was thrown onto me and I came falling down… ARRGGHH!!!!

SAD-ED!!!!!!!!!

But then the next day she SURPRICED me sial!!! Was so uncalled for la… was damn happy again to the max man….!!!!!!!! And so that’s how the story goes and ends… ahaha
Now im using that bag... muhahahah! Also to any1 who says bad thing abt the bag u DIE!!!!!!!

FEELINGS.... sad-ed..

2009-06-13T07:51:00.000-07:00

2009-06-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

my life, no longer my life.
has been taken, never to get it back again.
only time will tell.

compromise to let go, give in and nothing else
what color is there to my life,
accept for black and white,
with only a thin line of shades of grey,
to hold on to,
which nowaday becomes nothing but like a blur.

what good is there to battle it out?
all i have is time,
and that alone is the only thing i can spare,
but to what extend?

small as i am,
but big at heart,
nothing still works.
trapped in my own home,
with nothing to lend on,
nite after nite,
tears flood the bed.

no ones knows, no ones hears
only teddy...

2009-05-27T08:03:00.000-07:00

i really really HATE my sister.. so much so that i don't even want her alive... i rather she is dead... SERIOUSLY!! she's fucking disrespectful la! what is this... CB!
wait till i work, i wanaa move house and i shall onlt bring my mum alone the rest of them can go to hell!.

oooo but today, i found out something which made me real real real HAPPY sia... and its all thanks to Gena!! ahahah
i finally found out where o buy my marvel heroes bag!!! AHAHAHAHA so bloody happy!!!!.. YEAH!!!
far east here i come.. but wait till got money then go hehehe....

2009-05-26T08:16:00.000-07:00

im so fucking sick and tired of my father!!!
really we should not and cannot stay together, my brains will blow up!.. its always about them but not us... he do not even give a damn about us... and now he will always ask why we treat him so badly and why we always do not talk to him nicely..WHY WHY WHY?!!!!!!! its so not fair. like that i die also never mind lor.. right? i so so so so hate him now. but i dun1 to feel that way about him.. but all his actions is fucking pissing mi of. what can i do? there's nth i can do... its either he die or mi.. its either he divorce me of i divorce him...
i always see kids on the street and when they are with their father i feel so so bloody sad and so bloody jealous.. now whenever i see birds, i see my father in them and i hate it so so much!!!
its because of him i am who i am. as in the way i act around or infront of people....
its all too late trying to act nice and asking questions about our day.. since the day we were both he never even carry or spend time us us... and now, he wants to do that.. its fucking too bloody late.
it really is fucking too late....

HONG KONG TRIP

2009-03-13T01:16:00.001-07:00

my CLAR FAMILY!! luv u guys.. MUACK!

Darul & Lester extra only..ahah

ouch!! our faces are being pinched..lol

MORE TO COME.....

2009-02-17T07:48:00.000-08:00

Vocals: Steve Conte
Lyrics: Tim Jenson
Music and Arrangement: Yoko Kanno
Tittle : Stray

Stray! Stray!

In the cold breeze that I walk along
The memories of generations burn within me
Been forever since I cried the pain and sorrow
I live and die, proud of my people gaining

I'm here standing at the edge
Starin up at where the moon should be

Stray!
No regrets 'cause I got nothin to lose
Ever stray!
So I'm gonna live my life as I choose
Until I fall..

Stray! Stray!
Stray! Stray!

In the white freeze, I never spoke of tears
Or opened up to anyone including myself
I would like to find a way to open to you
Been awhile, don't know if I remember how to

I'm here waiting on the edge
Would I be alright showing myself to you?
It's always been so hard to do..

Stray!
No regrets 'cause I got nothin to lose
Ever stray!
So I'm gonna live my life as I choose
Until I fall...

Stray! Stray!
Stray! Stray!
Stray! Stray!

Is there a place left there for me
Somewhere that I belong
Or will I always live this way... ?
Always stray

No regrets 'cause I got nothin to lose
Ever stray!
So I'm gonna live my life as I choose
Cause all things fall

Stray! Stray!
Stray! Stray!
Stray! Stray!

Stray...

Performed by: Maaya Sakamoto
Lyrics: troy
Composition, Arrangement: Youko Kanno
Tittle: Gravity

been a long road to follow
been there and gone tomorrow
without saying goodbye to yesterday
are the memories I hold still valid?
or have the tears deluded them?
maybe this time tomorrow
the rain will cease to follow
and the mist will fade into one more today
something somewhere out there keeps calling
am I going home?
will I hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?
zero gravity what's it like?
am I alone?
is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet
still the road keeps on telling me to go on
something is pulling me
I feel the gravity of it all

2009-02-17T07:40:00.000-08:00

This is how i am feeling almost everday.. and i cannot do anything... even if i try

2009-02-17T06:24:00.000-08:00

My condutor once said "musician must be like a vending machine". I know it sounds abit werid, but then again if you think again, it makes sense.
I mean its easier siad then done. I have difficulties, i can't really portray my feelings that's why i have a hard time.
And also becuase of this habit of mine, not showing my true feelings, i can't communicate with my dad like i use too. It's sort of too hard to have a proper conversation with him. I try, but each time i try, i end up either not talking properly or shouting to to him. I feel real bad, though i know it's wrong but i can't help it. How? It wasn't like that before... hai...

although its abit late but... i

2009-02-13T08:56:00.000-08:00

wanted to say that i am very thankful to SIMON..when others are looking down on us he really helped us and when i was sad-ed by that issue and he help mi overcome it.. well not only him i still have to thank my section mates...
THANK U GUYS!!! muacks

2009-02-13T08:41:00.001-08:00

thanks to hui yu i got a job
but... its only a day
hahah
better then nothing
i.m lame...hai

2009-02-12T22:55:00.000-08:00

Goss... i really miss the little one. She was the closest to me. She flew away once but then she was still a baby so she didn't fly far. Only flew out the kitchen window and to the staircase, my father got her back. I think the reason she did not flew far was that she is not ready to leave yet. And then when she was ready, she just flew out the kitchen window again and never came back. What a heart breaker.
But what can i do, when it's time for her to fly, it's time. But it is really hard to let go...

2009-02-06T05:50:00.000-08:00

HAHAH
Guess what my mum got mi since im going to HK..

Of all things, she got mi a newspaper article stating " GIRL FOUND DEAD, MISSING FINGERS. IN HONG KONG."

What is she thinking, ok i know she is worried but then, what am i gonna to do in hong kong? Get a lover there?

hehehehe... Cute la she.... well she is my mum...hah

2009-02-04T06:23:00.000-08:00

well wat can i say...
i think all my life i have been running away from my problems
i don't know why and don't ask me why...
since the day my dad bought the car, it was a jinx thing...
everyday i wake up to the sound of not music but of my parents fighting...
and i guess i my the 1st child in history to tell my parents to get a divorce. how sad can it be....
ITS NOT FUN AT ALL!!! to here them screaming at each other like cats and dogs!!! its not fair at all!

and another thing is that i realised that i am a coward and i have 2 side..
the days juz couldn't get better huh...
Well wat can i say,...

2009-02-02T05:48:00.000-08:00

Today i had fun even thought i had sectionals...

WHY?

Because after practice, pat, yan ling, simon, gab and mi went to have MAKAN!!!!!

i think this was the 1st ever time i had eaten with my friends outside of school.. wat a sad case i am.. haha

but i had FUN with them.

And also after thinking, i have decided that i would not thrown away MY passion because of some bloody morron! i will work hard and i hereby thank all those who have helped me =]

finally HE talked

2009-01-27T06:35:00.000-08:00

I am ever so very happy that my dad finally talked to me. But it feels all weird. Its like i have never knew this man before and now he suddenly talks to me. I'm like 'WTH?!'... But the damage is already done... There's nothing i can do except to hope for the best. But then again when's there no hope, what's there to hope for, i ask myself..

I AM THAT BORED TO DO THIS:

2009-01-25T23:22:00.000-08:00

Gary frm spongebob, maowww

Patrick running wild, i guess O.o?

Patrick parachuting naked!!!.. WTH!

Plankton in da house! muahahah

OOPS!!!!

Jack O lantern

Unicorn & little fairy.. awww cute

Lady bug - a weird 1 tat is

Snake? Worm? which is which?

hahah cute little fly

Dino the watever..

Dancing bug? o.O?

Busy bee.. -.-!

2009-01-25T06:40:00.000-08:00

Yup! tats what i did to mi sister. i accidently poke-ed her eyes to ask to watch the ad on TV.. why? tats because TRANSFORMERS the Revenge of the Fallen, is coming on
June 2009 and i was so excited that i so did not know where my fingers were poking at... hahahaha my poor little sister.. lol

2009-01-25T00:53:00.000-08:00

know what after 3 weks and 2 days my father finally talked to me again, i wanted to cry , but i didn't. it was pointless to do so and im a gal who doesn't cry..so ya
the sad thing is that he talked to me beacuse a another bird. firstly he didn't talk to me was beacuse the baby mynah flew away and then just yesterday he brought home a baby pigeon. thing was it was cruel to do so. because the parents might be just around the corner. they would be sad right. and the pigeon we already had at home did not like it. she was pecking that poor thing. it isn't right. so as my mum, sis and i were going to temple, we brought the baby pigeon and left it there... at least it will be free and have a lot of friends.. right..

2009-01-24T00:37:00.000-08:00

GO WATCH!! ITS FREAKING NICE & FUNNY [the korean version of meteor garden]^.^

2009-01-24T00:35:00.000-08:00

squared ones r the ones i like..

2009-01-24T00:06:00.000-08:00

That's how i feel now.
so much things have happen and i dunno how to overcome it..
a lost wolf that i am...

2009-01-22T22:28:00.000-08:00

Mi favourite sign!! nice right..

wat a DAY!!! poor mi...

2009-01-22T07:41:00.000-08:00

today, terrible day!!!
no money still go school! stupid right and all because of band.
wth!!!when i was stuck at AMK station, the only ppl i could think of was Hui Yu, Justina, Angie and Aisyah... i oso dunno y, but.... ya

then they were all unavilable only aisyah..
hahah
and it was babi to the rescue...lol

THANK YOU so so so much my dear little panda.. MUACK!

Left 4 Dead

2009-01-21T07:18:00.000-08:00

WTH!!!!
i got the game and dare not play it!!! OMG
wat a loser
hahah
but mi sis she played screaming all the way!
ALAMAK!!

makin bloggy

2009-01-21T07:09:00.000-08:00

well people... 2day, i juz created mi blog.
not on my own cause i'm sure a noob to these kinds of things.
and so i got the help frm my potato & my babi aka panda...
tat baka loves panda so so much...
-.- i dun understand y
and the other 1 loves potaoes... -.-!

weird ppl like mi R friends wif weird ppl like them althought i dun mind cause i LOVE them!!!!